We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drake has all the answers
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
