guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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