fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
