so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
