dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
