I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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