Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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