Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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