Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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