If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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