I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
