Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
