Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
