wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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