Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Semen is not good for contacts.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
