Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
