I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
