Plan B is the new Plan A
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
