I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
