there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
