My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
