mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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