when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
