You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
