rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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