I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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