there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
