I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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