Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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