He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
