Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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