The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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