party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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