I hate all girls vehemently.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
