I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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