chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
