So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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