allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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