My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
