Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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