apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
