So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
