the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Come on in and take your pants off
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