I cannot find my penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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