She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
