I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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