Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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