Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
