my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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