Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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