theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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